File 013: The Patterns I Keep/Kept Feeding

     There are patterns you don't notice until they start hurting in the same place every time. You'll think life is repeating itself but really, you are. I had to get real honest with myself for this post it's been a little while since releasing my last post and I've come to know and realize that I was feeding the same loops with the same choices. I then had the nerve to expect a brand new outcome to grow from old soil. Truth is I didn't value myself first. I said yes when my body screamed NO. I stayed quiet to keep the peace. ( I'm a know it all if you didn't know). I made myself small so others could stay comfortable. I let people eat off my energy when I was starving and then I'd resent them for it..Not realizing it was me abandoning me.

" If you are silent about your pain, they'll kill you and say you enjoyed it." Zora Neale Hurston.

I fed patterns through the things I used/use to cope:

Drinking too much, A.K.A poisoning myself.

Vaping

Escaping myself

Unprotected sex that left my spirit feeling emptier, not loved.

Walking into spaces I didn't belong in, trying to feel something.

Choosing people I knew weren't good for me.

Hurting people who cared.

Hurting myself even more.

Self abuse always becomes mutual abuse. When you treat yourself badly, you give everyone permission to match that energy. I didn't want to admit that once upon a time. I cursed myself with my words, I cursed others too. Out loud or silently. Anger, jealousy, insecurity...All of it leaked into the room before I did, then I wondered why my relationships felt chaotic. I lied, to myself and others. Small spiritual betrayals. The " I'm fine" when I wasn't. The " I don't care" when I did. The pretending, the performing. I sabotaged what was good. I tolerated what was bad. I called it "love," "loyalty", "having a big heart". It wasn't any of those honestly it was fear and habit. It was the parts of me that didn't want to heal yet. I've been lazy with my growth. Lazy with my boundaries. Lazy with keeping my word to others and myself. I didn't appreciate myself, so how could I appreciate anyone else consistently?

I abused people mentally, emotionally, verbally. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes because I didn't have the tools to respond any healthier. Physically too, in moments I'm not proud of. Violence against yourself eventually spills outward.

The pattern was me. The loop was me. The pain was me. The avoidance was me. The most important part is that I'm catching myself now. I'm stopping mid-pattern. I'm watching my triggers before they turn into reactions. I'm noticing the old energy when it rises and choosing different, even when it's hard. I'm hearing that quiet voice inside saying " don't do that again" I'm actually listening. Breaking patterns is not about perfection. It's bout awareness. It's about not lying to yourself anymore. It's about saying " I know what this is, and I'm not feeding it today."

This file is me taking responsibility for the things I once justified. The loops I built, the ones I walked into, the ones I thought were fate and most importantly the ones I'm walking out of now. 

File 012: The Quiet Jealousy

 The envy we don't admit out loud.

Nobody wants to talk about jealousy. Not spiritual people. Not the confident people. Not the ones who love themselves. Not the healed women or men. Not the strong ones. We all pretend we're above it, but shadow work doesn't care about how you look on the outside. It cares about the truth you whisper to yourself when the room is dark. The truth is: I've been jealous before. Not loud jealousy, not hate, not wishing people failed but quiet sting. The discomfort in your chest when someone has something you want, or becomes something you're trying to become, or receives love you always had to beg for, or moves with confidence you're still building.

I wish I could walk around cluelessly and put off the thoughts of what this horribly beautiful world is. Unfortunately fortunate I was born clever, jealous of those who aren't.

It's the jealousy that hides itself as comparison. The jealousy that shows up as overthinking. The jealousy that says "Why not me?" and not in an of course it's me type of way. The jealousy that makes you shrink instead of expand. I used to pretend it wasn't. " I'm just observing", " I'm just being honest", "I'm just protecting my peace". My most common disguises. The shadow always knows. Jealousy was not my sign that I hated someone else, it was a sign I abandoned myself somewhere along the way. Jealousy points to a wound. Comparison points to a desire. Envy points to a story you're still believing about your worth. Sometimes, I'd find myself comparing my journey to people who weren't even in the same timeline as me. I'd feel that internal drop, like I wasn't enough. Like I wasn't doing enough, like something was wrong with me. (Excuse my language but ain't that about a bitch?) 

Here's the part I had to face: Most of the time, my jealousy came from my own insecurities. A version of me I hadn't healed yet. A version of me still operating from lack. I've also been the person people were secretly jealous of, that taught me something too.. Jealousy has nothing to do with the other person. It's always an internal frequency. So now instead of hiding from it, I ask myself: 

What part of me feels unworthy right now? What part of me feels behind? What part of me stopped believing in myself? Jealousy isn't the problem. Silence, avoidance, and projection is. Letting the envy grow roots is. When it comes up now, I don't shame myself for it. I listen to it, and I let it show me the places that need more love, more work, more honesty. The shadow isn't trying to embarrass you, It's trying to free you.

This file was me owning the parts of myself I used to hide, so those parts don't own me anymore. 

Jealousy only lives in the dark, once you say it's name, it loses power.

File 011: Volume Two- The Mirror Begins

     Volume Two: Shadow Sides + Personal Truths

I knew this volume would be different before I wrote the first word. The air around it is heavier,  thick and slower more honest. It's like you can't step into your next version without passing through the part of yourself you'd usually avert your eyes from. Avert your mind from. The the mirror isn't gentle. It doesn't show the curated image, it shows the truth. The little lies we tell ourselves. The excuses. The emotional shortcuts. The patterns that feel like home even when they hurt.

This Volume isn't about judging myself or others, it's about admitting the things I avoid. Shadow work is nothing but honesty. It's the kind that make your stomach drop. The kind that feels like death before rebirth. It wasn't "Them", It wasn't God and or the Universe "testing me".. It was me. My fear. My ego. My defensiveness. My emotional shortcuts. My assumptions. My need to feel in control or protected. My refusal to see the role I played. That's where the shadow lives my shadow lives, n the places you swear you're innocent. I'm not writing this from a healed perspective a pedestal even. I'm writing from inside the mess, from inside the mirror. I know right from wrong. I'm looking at it in the mirror everyday. I'm still realizing how often I show up from old wounds, not present truths. How often I hand people responsibility for feelings that are actually mine. How often I react instead of respond. How often I speak from insecurity instead of clarity. How often I abandon myself while claiming I'm doing my best.

This file is the doorway. The shift from "awareness" to "accountability", from talking about energy to actually looking at your own. Understanding shadow to recognizing when it's wearing your face. This is me stepping into the dark parts of myself without running. I'm tired of repeating stories that are beneath the person I'm becoming. I'm tired of protecting a version of me that no longer matches my frequency. I'm tired of pretending the shadows aren't mine.

So here we are. You, me, the truth, the mirror. Volume Two begins with the part of yourself you must meet before you evolve.

Welcome to the Shadow Frequency. We're going in, but we're coming out different.

End Transmission: Volume One

     Ten Transmissions. Ten portals of awareness. Each one a mirror, a lesson, a charge. We began with attention learning where energy goes when we don't guard it. We walked through emotion, money, relationships, and embodiment. We learned how energy speaks through the body, how it moves through love, art, and the collective field. This volume was never about instruction, it was initiation. Remembering what it means to live charged, to move with intention, to honor your personal power as sacred currency. 

Each file was a frequency and together they created a field. A vibration of truth, healing, and awareness strong enough to shift you and maybe the world around you. If you've read this far, you're already part of the grid. You've felt the current. You've learned that everything from breath to thought is energy in motion. So as Volume One closes, let this be both a thank you and a transmission:

Keep living intentionally, keep loving consciously, keep turning into your own signal. There is more to come, a new cycle, a new tone, a new evolution of frequency. Before we step into what's next, Pause. Breathe. Honor how far you've already traveled. The work continues but for now, We rest in Resonance.

What frequency did Volume One activate in you? What do you want to carry forward into the next chapter?

    Authors Note

 Thank you for tuning into the very first volume of the Frequency Files. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I hope it pushed something in you, even if that push felt uncomfortable or like a dip into the unknown. Honestly we need that right now. Discomfort is where the real shifts happen. I wrote these files while going through and moving over a lot. From letting go of occupations to moving, losing relationships, my birthday, rebuilding boundaries, checking my own energy leaks, learning to treat people better while not abandoning myself, and actually sticking to my word no matter how small a word. Everything I talked about in these files is something I'm still actively working on. I never want to speak from a place of being "above" anything, I'm right in it with you. I did my best to make each file digestible, clear, and still honest. For Volume Two...Who knows? I might get even more personal. Maybe even a little indigestible. Maybe that's exactly where the next level of truth lives. 

Thank you all for reading, for feeling, for growing with me. Volume Two is on the way.

File #010: Collective Frequency

 We are all transmitters. Each heartbeat each breath sends signal, each thought shaping the field. You've tuned your mind, balanced your emotions, and grounded your body. Now the current moves beyond self into the collective grid. Every community, city, and system is a reflection of the energy that built it. Anger creates control. Fear builds barriers. Love constructs bridges. Our collective frequency is the sum of our individual vibrations, a pulse of shared consciousness. When enough of us choose clarity, compassion, and accountability, the world itself retunes. This isn't fantasy, it's physics. Energy cannot be destroyed, only transferred. So the more light we circulate, the less shadow can survive.

Your personal healing was never just yours. Every time you set a boundary, forgive, rest, create, or tell the truth you send a ripple through the field. Someone else feels it, and quietly remembers they can too. Collective frequency is not built through control or conformity, it's built through resonance. Different tones, same intention: Elevation. This is where energy meets purpose. Your daily choices, your voice, your craft are frequencies shaping tomorrow. So charge up, stay grounded, and keep transmitting love louder than fear.

We are the current. We are the grid. We are the frequency.

Practice: Strengthening the Collective Field

Share Intention: Meditate or pray for collective clarity, even silently. Energy responds to unified focus.

Community Rituals: Gather in art, movement, or service. Energy magnifies through togetherness.

Micro Healing: One kind word, one calm response, one deep breath in chaos all shift the field.

Circulate Resources: Time, Wisdom, Money, Care. Energy flows best when shared.

Protect the Signal: Be mindful of the energies you amplify online and in person. Awareness is activism.

Collective healing begins when individual frequencies choose alignment over ego. Together, we become a living waveform reminding the world that light is louder.

How are you contributing to the collective frequency? Through your choices, your words, your presence? What vibration do you want your legacy to leave behind?

File #009: Resonant Living

     Once you learn to hear yourself you begin to hear the world differently. Every person, space, and sound hums with tone. Your energy doesn't end at your skin, it extends, communicates, and collides. You are both a sender and receiver. The way you move through life teaches the world how to move with you. Your peace creates peace. Your chaos ripples.

The body is still the conduit, but now current reaches way further into conversation, creation, and community. What you carry becomes what you contribute. Collective energy is not built through perfection but resonance. When healed people gather, frequencies align. Ideas click, laughter feels ancient, and silence itself becomes sacred. Not all frequencies harmonize. Some cling, copy, or compete. Detach without defense. You don't need to lower your vibration to connect. You simply need to stay clear enough to recognize what's real. 

Resonant living means choosing to embody truth even when it's inconvenient. It means letting your actions hum with integrity, words flow with presence, and your art pulse with life. We are all instruments, tuning each other through contact. What song are you sending into the collective field today?

Practice: Living in Resonance

Morning Tuning: Before the day starts, say your intention out loud. Set the tone for your energy.

Environmental Check Ins: Notice how places and people shift your energy. Adjust, don't absorb.

Ground after Gatherings: Big energy exchanges require release. Breathe, cleanse, or sit in stillness.

Harmonize Consciously: Surround yourself with those whose presence feels like alignment not effort.

Service as Circulation: Share what uplifts you wisdom, art, kindness etc. Energy multiplies when exchanged.

Resonant living is not about control, It's about coherence. Your alignment is a gift to the world.

How can you live in a way that makes others feel more at peace just by being near you?

File #008: Creative Transmission

     Creation is the body speaking soul. It’s how spirit translates through hands, voice, and vision. Every piece you make is a frequency made visible, a vibration caught in form. Creativity isn’t limited to art. It’s how you live, move, speak, dress, cook, love. Every choice is an expression of current. your frequency writes before you do. some people create from lack..Chasing validation, comparison, applause. Others create from overflow..A sacred urge to share what’s already alive within. Your art carries your energy. if you create in chaos, the work hums with static. If you create in peace, it becomes medicine, that’s why creation requires cleansing not perfection. You are always transmitting. Words, looks, silence, style, they all send signals. so what are you saying without saying? Creation is conversation with the universe. You send energy &  it echoes back in opportunity, connection, or lesson. 

What you put out returns multiplied. So build, speak, and move from love, not lack. When you create from alignment, you’re no longer trying to be seen. You’re showing others how to feel. 

Practice: Clean Creation Flow

Clear the Channel: Ground before you create. breathe, stretch, or journal to release emotional residue.

 Set Intention: Ask, “what energy do I want this to carry?” 

Create from Center: not for the algorithm, not for approval but for truth.

 Rest after Release: When you share, detach. The energy has left your field. Let it live its purpose. 

Honor your rhythm: Some days you produce, some days you refill. Creativity is a tide, not a test. 

Creation is Currency. The purest form of exchange between you and the divine. Transmit intentionally. 

What frequency do your creations carry? If your energy had a sound, what would it play today?