Greetings, It's been a while since revealing myself I truly wouldn't know where to start. Perhaps gratitude for the fact that I am alive and well. More gratitude for love, my heart has not grown cold. I hope the same for you all too.
Welcome to File 015: Love Style
How I love when I feel safe
When I feel safe, my love is pure. There is no game in it. No guard. No exit plan.
Before I had the answer now I have the knowing. I will get into the knowing later down the line for now. Looking back there were two relationships that show me who I really am when my nervous system isn't in survival mode. The first is my grandmother.
I love her with everything in me, unconditionally. She loved me the same way. She was the greatest thing living to me. With her, I never questioned my worth. I never had to perform to be loved, I just was. My love for her was instinctual and overtime learned. The more I found out about her, the more memories we made together, the more I loved her.
Protective. Intentional. I wanted her life to be easier because she existed. If she took medicine that was toxic, I researched alternatives. If she was tired, I tried to carry the weight. If she needed something, I noticed before she asked.
I asked myself how does my love feel when I am safe. Looking back just a few years ago answered my question that led to my newfound now knowing.
I study you. I care deeply. I think ahead. I want and try my best to improve your quality of life, not just say I love you. Pull those heart strings and make you feel some real things.
As I dive deeper into self the second relationship has got to go to me. Myself, The Goddess. The God inside and out, me. I say this with strong conviction happily. That relationship is solid. Rooted. Alive. My life is amazing. I'm not saying that with ego either. I create what I want when I want. I move with an exeptional amount of clarity. I see fast results because I believe in myself and I act accordingly. I trust my intuition. I trust divine timing. Most importantly I trust that what's meant for me responds to me.
When I am safe within myself, I don't chase. I damn sure don't beg. I don't doubt my power. I move knowing I'm supported. Spiritually and internally.
My love is very real. Whole and selfless. I love with my entire being. I love to take care of those I love. Educated. Encouraged. Seen. Fed, emotionally and physically. I am thoughtful in ways that come naturally, not forcefully. This version of me loves freely. Without calculation and fear. Without holding back. That's typically the part people don't always understand about me.
I don't love lightly, I love deeply when I feel safe.
The contrast between how I love when I'm safe versus how I love when I'm guarded is extreme. When I don't feel safe, I detach. I un love. I disappear emotionally. I become cold where I was once warm. This is intentional. Safety though, unlocks devotion. It unlocks tenderness and just so happen my very best qualities. This file is important because it reminds me and anyone reading that shadow isn't bad it is truth waiting to be released. Shadows need light, avoidance isn't nature. Softness still exists and my own capacity to love is not and will never be broken.
It just needs the right environment to bloom.
Thank you all for reading a long and overdue File. I will be sure to drop a file every Thursday and more when I can. I look forward to getting through this transmission so we can move on to more personal matters. Until then love to you all.
